Tuesday, August 5, 2008

What's the connection?: Libra, INFP, Indigo/Crystal, HSP

I just checked out "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine N. Aron yesterday from the library, and have read through most of the first chapter so far. I first saw this book sitting out in a trade paperback format near the cash register at the local Barnes & Noble. That struck me as richly ironic. Well, I figured I had to find out what this book was all about.

My track of exploring inner currents has led me - to name only the primary foci - through the worlds of astrology, feminism, numerology, and Meyers-Briggs, to ultimately arrive at aura colors and the broader theories embedded in Traditional Chinese Medicine. This book appears to be an interesting examination from a more scientific bent, which can't be a bad thing when one considers how much the dominant vibe in our society likes to slam anything metaphysical. I'll take a little scientific medicine if it means vindication of me as 'me'.

At each turn I've found a little more truth and connection than before. Frankly it's a chore to be male in American society and bear the combined burden of being one of the earliest Indigos, i.e. a youthful late-bloomer with a deeply-rooted skepticism about 'the way things are'; along with being INFP / Crystal / HSP, which all translate to an acute sensitivity to everything around me. This society proclaims little use for every strength I have, and especially when said strengths come packaged in male form. Empathy, insight, intuition, creativity, subtlety, nuance = effeminate & weak. That about sums it up in the prevailing Red / Green / Tan worldview that America of the moment has been built on over the last century. I have borne this cross for my whole life.

It's been interesting to consider episodes of my life through the lens of Aron's HSP concept. Through that I've considered that perhaps my childhood 'loner' status was more of a personal choice compelled by an intuitive knowledge of my sensitivity, and not that other kids didn't like me or want to be around me. Sure, I was an oddball, and the fashion dictates of poverty didn't exactly help. Even then I gravitated toward a format of friendship I still prefer, which is that of the intense connection with a few unique individuals. Group behavior has always puzzled me, though the Crystal aspect has allowed me to conjure up the necessary gusto and have fun when the group setting presented itself. But - I was never there *because* of the group, but because of the one person who invited me.

Each time I discover one of these new systems for re-framing what has often been a confusing struggle and exhausting battle to be 'me' and maintain the boundaries of who I am in a world that constantly impinges on my substance, I wonder if there's some larger theory that would pull them all together. They are but threads in a tapestry, and so what is that tapestry? It's something akin to the Tao, and perhaps Love, and maybe some variation of Universal Vibration.

I know it, and yet I am sure I will never find it. That is my religion.